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« Quirvy's Blog

Here are the entire Adventures of Gregory, from the first poll up to the current one. Beware of unexpected transitions from present to past tense and please point out any typos that I missed, excluding "you're talking in present tense here, but then your talking is past tense here"

The Adventures of Gregory

You are approached by the following majestic pony:

You tame the wild beast. It will be hence forth known as "Gregory". You are exhausted from all that pony taming, and decide to spend then night in Mexico, with Overlord.

You're in Mexico, but you can't seem to find Overlord, which makes sense, because if you could find Overlord, so would the Mexican government. But you're still in Mexico, so you decide to take the opportunity to ride Gregory into the sunset.

It's now dark, but that won't stop you, so you decide to continue to ride into the general direction of where the sun used to be. You pass out from exhaustion.

It's morning and you've just awoken. Someone else has also just awoken, but it is not Gregory, for he is nowhere to be found. Instead it is a man who goes by the name "Capitán Obvio". You are very hungry, and Capitán Obvio looked oh so delicious under that hot sun. You choose to kill him and eat his corpse.

"¡Usted me está matando!" cried Capitán Obvio. But it was no use, for you do not know Spanish, although you suspect that he's probably just using google translator, and doesn't actually know Spanish either.

It was a good meal, and you are no longer hungry, but you have injured yourself while subduing Capitán Obvio. You consider tending to your wounds, but you decide that you are a real man, and you can handle this flesh wound.

You die from blood loss.

You're not sure if you're in heaven, hell, some afterlife, or something. But you are sure that you're feeling pretty lonely. You see Capitán Obvio, but ultimately you decide that it would be awkward to try to befriend someone you just killed(and ate), so you instead choose to make friends with the people who died in the last mafia game. This also happens to be the entire town, but they don't seem to think that. They believe that there is a mafia among them, and they want to know who it is
"Guys its me. You should kill me because I am clearly mafia" suggested jazz. "Trust me on this"
"i think we should lynch sniper," proposed shos. "he just seems too suspicious"
"Kooler, you need to post here right now. Your inactivity reeks of scum" proclaimed Thomas.
You mention that you think you saw him partying it up with the thousands of Hannahs from "...imperio!".
Shavey thinks that shos is scum, but isn't quite sure. You think that his honesty is a sign of his innocence. Well, that's one guy you can take off your list.
And finally, sniper thinks that it is Harumbai.

After thinking it over, you decided that you didn't particularly like Kooler's Partying. You voted for him, voiced your opinions, and managed to sway the groups opinion.

Shos busted down the door with his super-strength, carrying a noose in his right hand. It was quite the party, but now the party was over. The group of dead mafia players scurried through the crowd of Hannahs, over to the Jacuzzi, where Kooler was entertaining the ladies. Shos forcefully pulled him out of the Jacuzzi, and hung him on the Oak tree out in the backyard.

Kooler was The Mortician, Town Aligned.

"Damn, we should have known" muttered sniper.

But it was now night, and everyone headed back to there little cabins, or whatever they have wherever you are. You kind of just wandered around since you're new, but suddenly you were stabbed in the back. Using your last breath, you asked a simple "...why?"

"Because you think I'm innocent, so if you die, then they'll think I'm innocent, too" remarked Shavey. You died.

You were Pony Trainer, Independently Aligned.

You wake up in a Mexican desert.

"What the hell happened here?" Kooler exclaimed, his eyes fixated on the mutilated body of Capitán Obvio, with your other, dead body lying a few feet away.

You know that sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to survive. While Kooler's eyes are fixated on Capitan Obvio's and your body, you sneak up behind him and take him out in one swift blow to the head. Lunch.

Before you can begin the feast, suddenly Harumbai appears out of nowhere.

"Jazz used his night kill on me so that he could try to convince the others that he was mafia. I don't know why he told me that before he killed me instead of just killing me, I gue--hey, what's going on over here?"

Uh oh. You realize that you better think of an explanation for this fast.

"This was Haily's doing." You go on to inform Harumbai that you had nothing to do with this, except apparently getting killed by Haily. Harumbai accepts this as a logical explanation for the scene of horrifying and gruesome death. With this out of the way, there is really not much left to do, so Harumbai decides to play a guessing game called "Guess the forum topic based around guessing things"

You guess that it was "Guess the failed topic." Harumbai informs you that he was actually thinking of "CSD's Guess the Cave"

You argue that not only was it not on the list of topics to guess from, but that it was a video and does not count as a topic. Harumbai disagrees, stating that it is still assigned a forum topic corresponding to the video, and also adds that you were expected to think outside of the box.

You argue for several minutes when suddenly Thomas appears. Seeing as how he was the first one to suggest that they lynch Kooler, they figured he was definitely their best option to be lynched. He thinks it was stupid, and that they should have instead lynched shos, the third person to vote for Kooler, who is clearly obvscum. You guys catch up on what is going on and decide that instead of moving to a more habitable climate, that you would rather wait for the other people come here, so that you can follow what's going on up there. You suggest that the group dig holes and give them names. Thomas agrees with this, thinking that Kooler, you and Capitan Obvio all deserve a proper burial. Harumbai is also down with it, and states "I like naming holes...".

Thomas digs an enormous, deep hole, and names it "Death Trap". You make sure to steer clear of it.

Harumbai digs a simple yet elegant hole. It is given the name "Anne-Marie"

You feel your hole is near-perfect. It's not too deep, not too shallow, and also very round. But you struggle to think of a proper name for it.

While you think about all the possibilities, Kooler appears over Thomas' hole and plummets to his death. You assume that Shavey night killed him for being the only confirmed town. You also suspect you'll be seeing Shavey very soon.

But the question remains. What will you name your hole?

After thinking it over, you decide that you will name your hole Horace. A lovely hole it is.

Time passes, holes are dug, and as you expected Shavey joins your group, being exposed by Kooler as a killer. He points out that his lynch was led by Kooler who he killed the night before. He makes a note to kill people more anonymously.

He also reveals that he's not mafia, but instead a serial killer. You already knew this, as you already know the roles of everybody since you followed the originating mafia game. Shavey notes that the mafia has not yet been sniffed out.

It dawns upon you that Sniper, Shos, Kooler and Jazz probably don't know that they're all town yet, nor do the rest of these guys know that there is no mafia.

Instead of doing anything about this, you decide to lay the bodies to rest in Thomas' hole. It's not an easy nor pleasant task, but you're doing well. Halfway through, you pause and notice that there is a line of Hannah's waiting to jump into Harumbai's hole, "Anne-Marie."

Just as you heave the last one in, the ground gives way beneath you, and you slide down a passageway that leads into Thomas' hole. "Death Trap" continues to live up to it's name. You die. If you were still alive you would use the facepalm smilie to express your embarrassment over the fact that you forgot that you were supposed to steer clear of "Death Trap"

Oh well. Now you're back in the afterlife again. You decide that since you're here with a dead things, you might as well take the opportunity to read weekly updates again. You note some of the interesting storylines including but not limited to:

•HatPC Party in Afterlife broken up by police
•Neezles has died, and is now running amok in the afterlife causing trouble for everyone who is no longer alive
•Jazz is latest person lynched in local mafia game
•Newcomer Livio's body finally discovered in Arizona, explaining his absence from "The Interguild"
•It is 34°F (1°C) in hell, just above freezing over
•The stairway to heaven has been temporarily closed for maintenance and should be reopened by next week.

You skip to the end past all of this boring post to get to the post of the week, but to your disappointment, it is a lamp post instead of a forum post.

You figure that you should probably check out what's going on in the mafia game again, but there's so much to do, it's not every day you're in the afterlife! You decide to take a pleasant stroll in Hell. You've always wanted to go there on vacation, and now's your chance!

You would have expected before that it would be hot, but as the weekly update said it was cold. And it's also raining. If it was just a little bit colder, it would be snowing, but instead you're getting soaked at temperatures just above freezing. You realize that you are indeed in Hell.

While you're here, you notice Haily in front of a post office. It's a good thing he's not active enough to recognize you, otherwise this could have been pretty awkward.

Anyways, you're hungry. You choose to eat at Hellsprout's Country Cooking. The Chili was great, but you felt that there was too much Greece in the Turkey.

You decide that now you've dined in hell, maybe you should revisit the mafia game going on. You do so.

Only Kooler and Sniper remain.

"Well I know that I'm not town, so you must be mafia" declared Kooler.
"Well I'm definitely not mafia. And I can prove it, too. I am The PR Guy, a member of the Neopets Team. With my impressive conversational aptitude and distractingly nice jacket, I am able to sway the public opinion and pardon a player of my choice (besides myself of course) from being lynched."
"Alright. I guess I'll have to see if this works. Vote: Kooler. Now pardon me."
"Vote: Kooler"
With 2 votes, Kooler has been lynched.

Kooler was The Mortician, Town Aligned.

It is now night time.

As a Pony Trainer, you are able to do a variety of night actions. You choose to night kill sniper. Your kill is successful.

Sniper was The PR Guy, Neopets Team.

As the sole survivor, you win!

You decide that you should celebrate your decisive victory with some neezles hunting. You hear that there are tons of her side accounts on the loose out here in the afterlife. After giving it some thought, you decide that you want the stuffed body of a Karma Chameleon decorating your Living room.

Elusive as the Karma Chameleon is, you think you spot on hiding in the bushes, and take the shot.
Oops. It was just an Ogopogo side account. You guess you'll just leave the body there and pretend it was someone else.

You get lucky, though, and soon you spot one for real this time. You again take the shot. Boy, this Karma Chameleon was a giant one. You're not even sure if it'll fit in your living room, but then again, you're not even sure how big your living room really is anyways.

You go over to the beast to get a closer look, when all of a sudden, you hear something from behind you.
"WON KI SMASH!!!!!!"

You are suddenly in a desert surrounded by the fellow mafia game players.

You decide that even though you just killed one of them, and killed another earlier, this calls for a party! You invite everyone! Even the people that aren't currently in the story line.

Most of the people are gathered in one main room, but every once in a while the staff gather in this locked room that no one else but them can access. One time Harumbai got locked out because they forgot that he was a staff member. You put your ear to the door, but hear only silence. You assume that they are just doing it for show.

You notice that Silver, Darvince and Cedric are all gathered around a box labeled "Chat". Many other people occasionally walk up to it for a few minutes, but they seem to be there the most.

You swear that at one point you saw Haily somewhere in the room, but before you knew it, he was gone. You also notice on multiple occasions Darvince isn't actually there, and that there is instead a cardboard cutout in his place.

Livio comes to the party late, but instead of partying with the everyone in the big room, he notices that the roof requires repairwork, and climbs up to fix the shingles on the roof. A few members go up to watch him, and they exchange conversation with Livio as he fixes them. Eventually CSD also climbs onto the roof, and starts pulling off shingles that Livio didn't properly attach.

At some point, Livio realizes that the roof just isn't good and that he would be better off with a new house entirely, so he builds a new house, and informs all of the party guests that he has done so, but that they don't need to worry about walking to the new house, because they are already in it.

Eventually people get lost on their way back from the separate building that contains the restrooms, and accidentally find their way into the other house. Since it's really empty, they conclude it must be the old house, so a few party guests get together and completely trash the place. Eventually all of the party guests end up in this house, and Livio realizes that this was actually the new house he built. He kicks everyone out for an hour while he restores the interior.

While you're all outside, some of the members start noticing that their karma has gone down. Way down. Soccerboy is down to -1094, Silver to -847, and even Isa is all the way down to -1602. Yours is even lower! You turn around and realize that you are standing under a giant Karma Chameleon! You choose to be a man and fight him. The Karma Chameleon crushes you with its mighty foot. You die.

You're now in the afterlife again, right where you were before.

"Won Ki SMASH!" You would normally die, but you undied right under the Karma Chameleons foot, and ended up dying all over again, so you basically were just unfazed by his blow even though it killed you.

You shoot Won Ki in the face. You collect your giant Karma Chameleon, stuff him, and place him in front of your fireplace. As you sit beside the fire, you can't help but feel that you've forgotten about something. You suddenly remember that you still don't know what happened to Gregory! You just woke up, and he was gone, replaced by Capitan Obvio.

You decide that you must return to Mexico to search for him. So you do what any rational human being would do and commit suicide.

You're now back where you were before, in some Mexican desert. But oh, dammit! There's this giant Karma Chameleon trying to give you even more negative karma! You're fed up with this Karma Chameleon and his lame trolling, and choose to ignore it, seeing as how you have more important things to do.

As a result, your karma is now lower than Jellsprout's.

You finally get away from all of those guys with their karma, and now you can begin the search. You begin the search for your old pal the pony in the Yucatán Peninsula for some reason. You think you're almost onto his trail, but suddenly, a hurricane!

You figure that since there's a hurricane, you better stop drop and roll. So you stop, drop and roll. It's really windy and it's raining so hard that you can't see anything if you could look forward which you can't because you're too busy rolling around on the ground getting all muddy. You hear a voice and stop, so that you may hear better.

"Below the pigeon discriminates the participating rose."

You interpret these words of wisdom as a warning to you that flowers are racists. From now on you will view flowers as the racist pigs that they are. You notice there’s a geranium nearby. That jerk is probably harassing Mexicans and accusing them of “stealing jobs” from Americans. You stomp that ungrateful bigot into the ground. Then you notice that it’s no longer hurricaning outside, and you can freely resume your search for Gregory. Especially now that the Geranium has been taken care of.

You spot a cave entrance nearby, with a sign in front of it that reads, “…Imperio!”

You decide that because you're a man, you can handle this.

Just like the last time you decided to be a man, you die before you know what's going on.

You are approached by a creature claiming to be Livio's picture. You find yourself confused. In the confusion, Livio’s picture turned out to be Neezles, and killed you. Ouch. You’re back inside ...Imperio!

You decide to persistently continue onwards!

Oops. You died so hard that you're left confused as to what just happened, and during this confusion, Livio's picture killed you again. You die in imperio before you know what's going on, and you get stuck in what appears to be an infinite loop of dying and undying. But then something happened!

"This Shockwave movie has errors that have caused playback problems. Please contact the author of this content regarding the problem. Shockwave is unable to continue."

You click OK and exit out of HatPC. You want to spend time on the internet. You open up google and search for "how to find lost pony", and the first result looks very promising, linking you a website where people can find their long lost horses. You go there, but everything is in japanese, and when you use autotranslate, everything translates to generic non-pony stuff, like "Site title" and "Title Introduction site"

You decide that this is a dead end and surf the internet further. Eventually while searching through a horse dating website, a new window appears, informing you that you are the 1234567th visitor of the site, and that "Click here to claim your prize"

You want nothing to do with this obvious scam, and close the window. But soon you realize that it's starting to smell musty, and you consider that maybe you should have left the window open. However, you choose to ignore it and move on to being an internet tough guy. You find an obscure internet forum and consider several possible ways to approach their members, but cannot decide which approach would be best. So you decide to use all of them.

"sup losers? your fat mom still giving you crap for not living up to her expectations? that's okay, given what she's like, i don't think you could be expected to be any less of a failure. i on the other hand am living it large. just dumped my girlfriend. she was hot, but not enough for me. now i'm dating a super model. maybe if you would get out of your moms basement and go to the gym every day like i do, you might get a girlfriend too. but you might want to hit it at night, cuz i'm not sure what type of an effect the sun might have on someone like you whos been living out of the sunlight for so long. anyways, just thought id drop in and remind you guys that theres more to life than those crappy online games you play. laterz"

You felt like you really showed them, and couldn't wait to see their priceless reactions. But then something unexpected happened; one of their members reported you to the cyber police! You thought that the police aspect might be deserving of some attention, but you couldn't just back down. You figured you'd address the potential police threat later. In the mean time, you demand that the forum member do several things, some of which is physically impossible to do or is likely illegal where they live. At the very least, your demands are very unpleasant, just how you like them. You both become engaged in a flame war, and you're pretty sure that you're winning it. But suddenly you hear a knock on the door!

"Cyber police, open up!"

You just won't let yourself be captured, but at the same time, you'd rather not die a horrible death at the hand of the notoriously brutal cyber police, so you stealthily sneak out the back.

As you are walking out in the desert sun, you glance back and witness your house exploding. You didn't know the house very well, but it was a damn good house and it served you well. It didn't need to go out like that.

You take it upon yourself to get revenge. You will buy a war camel, and with it you will hunt down cyber police and avenge your house. But before you can do any of that fancy stuff, you'll need to come up with a way to procure enough money to buy a war camel.

You figure that if you're going to hunt down members of a police force, you don't need to abide by common laws. As such, you decide that you will obtain your war camel without paying for it.

There aren't too many camel dealerships in Mexico, but you managed to come across one just outside of Chihuahua. You observe the compound.

The camels are well guarded; they specialize in war camels, and as such they employ them to protect their business. This will not be an easy task. You decide that you will need to create a distraction. But before you can hold a poll for it, a distraction appears in the form of a neezle spam account!

"WON KI SMASH!"

You wondered what happened to that guy; you hadn't heard from him since you killed him in the afterlife.

While the camel salesmen are preoccupied with exterminating Won Ki, you sneak in and hop on a camel. A lovely camel it is. You stealthily ride him out into the desert sun, your movements undetected by Won Ki, who has successfully defeated the camel salesmen. This glorious camel you ride upon shall hence forth be known as "Bradwell"

You decide that the cyber police and finding Gregory can wait. You have more urgent matters, which are specifically to kill jellsprout. You soon realize that you're not very good at using war camels, so you put it onto auto-pilot. It leads you to the area where a brilliant party was once held. Jell is sitting on a chair consuming an alcoholic beverage. Your war camel shows no mercy.

As you enjoy your war camel's lack of restraint, suddenly you you hear the voice of a woman. You wake up, and realize that you haven't actually killed jellsprout yet. You silently mumble profanities to yourself.

Oh yeah, and now there's this one woman in front of you. You don't much like her; she just interrupted your dream and now she's demanding that you leave immediately because "you don't belong here". You realize you're not totally sure where you are. You look around. You see a castle, some forests, a beach with an island on the horizon. You're still not sure where you are.

You are sure, however, that this woman's incessant bickering is getting on your nerves. You decide that she must die, and since she probably won't commit suicide anything soon and you would probably lose in a fight against her, you figure that Bradwell, your war camel, will have to do the deed. You program the commands into Bradwell and then look away to avoid witnessing the atrocity. Annoying lady dies.

While you look away, you notice an injured krotomo by some cliffs. You decide that kroto is a man and he can handle himself regardless of what his situation is. You also forget about jellsprout altogether, and decide that you should head back to Mexico.

It's a long, treacherous journey that features multiple garden gnomes and lawn flamingos, but you manage to get there in one piece. You suddenly remember that you have unfinished business to attend to. You turn around, pull out your gun, and a fire a shot into the distance. You’re pretty sure that you've eliminated jellsprout.

As you continue to wander aimlessly through the desert in search of Gregory, you stumble upon a water hole. You decide to sacrifice a goat to the all mighty water hole. The process is very messy and won't be described for your own safety. Immediately after the sacrifice is completed, a portal to perhaps another world to opens where the water hole once was. You don't really trust it enough to go it, but at the same time you don't feel like sitting around all day to see if anything will happen. You toss the stone into the portal. About 15 seconds pass, and then an enormous creature emerges from the portal with a visible bump on its head. It looks pretty mad.

You briefly think it over using the 2 seconds you have before it would eat you, and you decide that you will try and gain its companionship. You run up to it to give it a hug. Instead of embracing you it swallows you whole. You are now inside the creature's stomach.

You decide that your best method of escaping here is time travel. Using your time traveling abilities that you apparently have, you travel to the future, the day after the death of this foul beast.

The date is December 22nd, 2012 (remember, the last time this poll took place, it was before the end of the Mayan calandar, so this is totally legit). You're not quite sure how, but the world has ended, and everyone and everything is now dead. Earth is an arid, inhabitable, wasteland. It slowly dawns upon you that you will never see Gregory ever again, or anyone else for that matter. Everyone is dead. Except for you. Your ability to time travel to the future allowed you to pass through the apocalypse relatively unscathed. But you decide that a life without Gregory is no life at all. You begin to ponder how you will commit suicide, but before you can come to a decision, the toxic fumes kill you. You die.

Upon arriving in the afterlife, you are greeted with confetti and cheering.

"Congratulations, [PLAYER NAME]! You are the last human to die! As a reward, Lester, the all knowing bowl of lasagna, will answer one question for you!"

You approach Lester, ponder for a moment, and then ask of him, "Oh Lester, all knowing bowl of lasagna, what happened to my dear pony, Gregory?"

"You killed him, as unbeknownst to you, Capitán Obvio's secret identity was Gregory."

THE END
[?] Karma: +4
User Comments (6)
« Forum Index < The Interguild Board

POLL: If I really wanted to, I could put the polls here. But I won't for various reasons.

Cool.
2 votes - 100%
Total Votes: 2
Isa
[?] Karma: +1 | Quote - Link
Saturday, June 16 2012, 6:12 pm EST
No. I'm an octopus.

Age: 29
Karma: 686
Posts: 7833
Gender: Male
Location: Uppsala, Sweden - GMT +1
pm | email
True poetry. I read it from start to finish and I covered so many emotions on the way.
Quirvy
[?] Karma: 0 | Quote - Link
Saturday, June 16 2012, 7:36 pm EST
  

Karma: 655
Posts: 7745
Gender: Male
pm | email
So as I said in the chatbox, probably my favorite line so far in the story was during the party scene when "You also notice on multiple occasions Darvince isn't actually there, and that there is instead a cardboard cutout in his place."

Out of curiosity, if any of you can remember, what were your favorite lines from the story?



spooky secret
Yaya
[?] Karma: 0 | Quote - Link
Saturday, June 16 2012, 7:57 pm EST

Age: 26
Karma: 747
Posts: 5367
Location: Ohio (US)
pm | email
I honestly didn't remember half of this happening, lol. I am still a big fan of the part where CSD replaces Livio's shingles. It's nice to see that line was used again.



COMING SOON: A giant meteor. Please.
Give me +karma. Give me +karma.
Livio
[?] Karma: 0 | Quote - Link
Monday, June 18 2012, 11:55 pm EST

Age: 29
Karma: 470
Posts: 9620
Gender: Male
Location: Arizona, USA
pm | email
Quote:
You mention that you think you saw him partying it up with the thousands of Hannahs from "...imperio!".

Quote:
One time Harumbai got locked out because they forgot that he was a staff member

Quote:
With this out of the way, there is really not much left to do, so Harumbai decides to play a guessing game called "Guess the forum topic based around guessing things"

You guess that it was "Guess the failed topic." Harumbai informs you that he was actually thinking of "CSD's Guess the Cave"

Quote:
Anyways, you're hungry. You choose to eat at Hellsprout's Country Cooking. The Chili was great, but you felt that there was too much Greece in the Turkey.

I kinda wished I could see all of the poll questions and options, but this is probably already long enough as it is.
Jorster
[?] Karma: 0 | Quote - Link
Tuesday, June 19 2012, 12:07 am EST
mfw

Karma: 168
Posts: 2549
Gender: Male
Location: The Straight Guy's Garage
pm | email
My favorite parts were the CSD shingles, the darvince cutout, and the Karma Chameleon.


Quirvy
[?] Karma: 0 | Quote - Link
Tuesday, June 19 2012, 12:23 am EST
  

Karma: 655
Posts: 7745
Gender: Male
pm | email
Yeah, adding poll questions and options would have been unreasonable for this. That would have made this long and messy. This is mainly just so that the story can be coherently read all at once. It allows people who haven't been following it from the start (like you), to catch up and figure out what led to them running from the cyber police.

Also, I liked this entire exchange (perhaps just because I called a geranium an "ungrateful bigot")
Quote:
You interpret these words of wisdom as a warning to you that flowers are racists. From now on you will view flowers as the racist pigs that they are. You notice there’s a geranium nearby. That jerk is probably harassing Mexicans and accusing them of “stealing jobs” from Americans. You stomp that ungrateful bigot into the ground.


By the way, in case this isn't clear as a result of you escaping "...Imperio!" by way of shockwave error, you're still in Mexico.

Jorster said:
My favorite parts were the CSD shingles, the darvince cutout, and the Karma Chameleon.
I personally thought that it might be entertaining to see the player try to save the interguild members from the Karma Chameleon or something, and there were 2 polls where we had a chance to move the storyline towards the Karma Chameleon, but the people spoke: they were focused on finding Gregory, and did not want to get side tracked.



spooky secret

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