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Everyone knows that the interguild is full of dudes, and a common wish among dudes, especially young dudes in their 20s, is to appear attractive to women or other dudes (or whoever you're interested in). However, the general population of the Interguild tends to lean towards the nerdier side, so it is much more likely that you spent your teenage years writing JavaScript code than determining the trendiest brand of jeans. Fortunately, the Internet is full of advice for almost every facet of your life, and now you have to look no further than the Interguild to find the best ways to be attractive.

1.) Shower
Showering at least once a day is a must for anyone who wants to appear attractive. You may think that this is obvious, but you would be surprised as to how many people cannot grasp this concept.

2.) Light pink sweatshirt
This is the #1 must-have item in the closet of every man. KEEP IN MIND that the precise shade of pink is very important (no, CSD, you still cannot get away with wearing fuchsia). The colour should be lighter than that of cotton candy, yet not so light that it can't be discerned as pink. This could either be a sweatshirt or a hoodie, but the material must be fleece. If it is a hoodie, then it should preferably not have pockets. The sweater must be unadorned. It should not have any graphics or text and especially not the initials of fraternities (sorry not sorry, but fraternities contribute nothing to society).

3.) NO suits
Gentlemen's magazines may deceive you into believing that people find suits attractive, and that nobody can resist a man in a suit. This is wrong. Inside every dapper suit is a smelly, overheated man who wants nothing more than for togas to become socially acceptable to wear. Suits indicate that you are conformist and probably have no original thoughts of your own. Managers love suits because they know that people who wear suits are more likely to listen to them. Finally, there is nothing that damages your reputation more than an ill-fitting suit. Suits cause too many problems, so you should avoid them altogether.

4.) Hairstyles
To be honest, I don't know a lot about men's hairstyles, so the only thing I feel qualified to say is AVOID MANBUNS. The only dude I know with a manbun is also the most similar person to Patrick Bateman that I have ever met. I will never watch american psycho because I am afraid of R-rated movies, but I have watched the business card scene and it was frightening how similar he was to that person in hindsight. (btw, it was ridiculous how they decided to use fake font names in that scene: did you really think that nobody would notice???)

5.) Skateboard
The best way to show that you're a cool, confident dude is to get around with a skateboard. Everybody loves skateboarders and they also move faster than people who just walk or run. You could also get a longboard, which is similar to a skateboard but you can't do as many tricks on them. Most non-skateboarders (like me) can't tell the difference between skateboards and longboards, so you could probably get away with using a longboard and calling it a skateboard.

6.) No rating women, men, or yourself on the 1-10 scale
The magical thing about the 1-10 scale is that using it automatically drops your own attractiveness to 0. The 1-10 scale is not scientifically reliable and should never be used in any context.

TBC
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aych bee
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Sunday, March 29 2020, 4:36 pm EST
when i am king

Age: 104
Karma: 147
Posts: 1002
Gender: Female
Location: you will be first against the wall
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> The only dude I know with a manbun is also the most similar person to Patrick Bateman that I have ever met.
lol I don't even remember who this was referring to, but for what it's worth I am still afraid of R-rated movies.

> A 24-year-old is very old. They may have a 9-5 office job, or even a mortgage. They may have studied quantum field theory
tfw I have now studied topological quantum field theory.


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